Weighting on Inspiration

May 1, 2009 at 4:42 pm 8 comments

So, I decided that enough was enough. My pre-pregnancy jeans have been leaving button and zipper shaped patterns on my FUPA (Fat Upper Pelvic Area) for 10 months. The ‘ol muffin top has been spilling out far too long. If I want another pregnancy, I need to get rid of the remains of the previous pregnancy first.

First step. Find out how much I weigh.

I have always depended on the scale to keep me inspired. During a workout-obsessed, super body-conscious time in my life, Hubby challenged me to give up weighing myself for Lent. I gained 5 lbs.

That was after only 40 days. I haven’t weighed myself in nearly a year. Yikes. If I don’t regularly check my progress, I lose my drive. I start eating icing like soup…by the spoonfuls, I stop using a bowl for ice cream, and dinnertime? Portion control, shmortion control.

So, if I am going to be at all successful, I gotta keep tabs on those three digits that will define my self worth in the months to come.

I don’t trust my home scale. If I stand on it three times in a row, it will spit out three different numbers. The scale at the gyno, the one that weighed me throughout my pregnancy, could give me an accurate reading. Plus, it could compare what I weigh now with how much I weighed pre-second-pregnancy. That would motivate me, I’m sure. It made me want to schedule a pap smear yesterday.

But instead, I went to the gym. I relied on that scale faithfully back when I was in fully obsessed workout and weigh-myself-daily mode. So off to the gym I went to push the little black thingy too far to the right…and get inspired.

I had not been to the gym in four and a half years. They had added on and changed things around a bit, so when the nice lady offered to give me a *quick* tour, I agreed. I really didn’t want a tour though. I was so ready to let the scale in the locker room present me with my motivating moment of truth, then climb on the treadmill and self-loathingly run the fat off of my thighs.

As the tour began, I was shown a new therapy pool, yawn….an additional aerobic room, okay…An additional locker room, huh. Wonder if it has a scale too…

But wait, let’s not get too hasty…

A café with fruit smoothies and WiFi, eh? Two hours of child care?

This place is awesome! I’m so here everyday.

An hour into my *quick* tour, and I was ready to burst. Finally my new card was scanned and I was buzzed through the doors as an official member.

Into the locker room I dashed. Without missing a beat I spun the corner to the area beside the bathroom stalls to where the scale stood. Well, where the scale used to stand four years ago, that is. I ran around the locker room like a perverted peeping tom looking for the scale. Not in there. So I did the same seemingly perverted jog around the new locker room. No scale there either. Mother effer.

I ran out to the front desk and asked the nice lady who gave me the tour where the scale might be. She directed me to the workout center where I was informed that the scale was broke and would be back in a few days. Mother effer.

Well, might as well work out while I’m here, right?

I hopped on one of the brand new treadmills. It was fancy. Fully equipped with a touch screen and all sorts of confusing buttons. Maybe if I would have opted for the *long* tour, I would have learned how to use it.

The “Manual Start” seemed easy and familiar enough, so I pressed that button and it started me out at a slowwww pace of 1.0. I pushed the “up” arrow to speed up a bit. Push arrow..1.1, push arrow…1.2, push arrow…1.3.

This isn’t working.

So I pushed the “up” arrow and held it in. It quickly flew through the speed levels all the way to “10,” but the tread was still moving at a 1.3 pace.

Then I let go of the arrow.

That did the trick!! The pace instantly sped up to “10,” forcing me to grasp the sides of the treadmill with a white knuckle grip while my legs tried to keep up with the floor moving at 20 mph beneath me.

I continued to hold onto the side rail with one hand while I held in the “down” arrow with the other until it reached speed level “4.5.”

I walked briskly for a few minutes, wondering if anyone noticed and feeling like a fat dork. I thought I should make it look like I meant to use the treadmill for a run, so I sped up a little and started to jog.

I lasted three minutes.

Running is not at all like riding a bike. You forget. You forget how to breath, your muscles lose stamina, and you just can‘t pick it up again after almost five years. I used to be a fairly avid runner. Then I got pregnant and have not deliberately increased my heart rate for 20+ minutes since.

I spent 23 minutes on the treadmill yesterday, and still didn‘t increase my heart rate for 20 minutes straight. I had a five minute warm up, a three minute run, and a fifteen minute cool down.

…Maybe I’ll do better when they get the scale back in.

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Entry filed under: Exercise. Tags: , , , , , , .

Happy Birthday, Daddy! Obsessed

8 Comments Add your own

  • 1. K  |  May 1, 2009 at 6:06 pm

    I think child care at the gym is the best thing since sliced bread.

    It’s the only reason I work out (which pretty much means I walk slowly on the treadmill while watching 8 tvs filled with morning television. It’s fantastic.)

    Reply
  • 2. Tiffany  |  May 1, 2009 at 8:11 pm

    Good for you for getting back into it….who cares about the weight, but it will be good for your sanity too! I work out every day…if you need me to “bug” you about it and make sure you go, I will! 😉 Focus on the health, not the number or the muffin top! Easier said than done…trust me, I know! Good luck!

    Reply
  • 3. ck  |  May 2, 2009 at 1:52 am

    mmmmm…fruit smoothies.

    Reply
  • 4. faemom  |  May 2, 2009 at 5:08 am

    Ah, a guime. What are those again?

    Reply
  • 5. JennyPenny  |  May 2, 2009 at 2:20 pm

    Most hilarious. Thank you! I’m in the same boat, except I can’t bring myself to use the gym, because I can’t bring myself to leave the baby in the childcare room. Just like I was with our first, just like I said I WAS NOT going to be with the second, but am. So, instead I get on our home scale every day, several times a day, and celebrate each downward move and curse each upward move. I joined Weight Watchers online, and I was doing great but fell off the wagon this week. And by fell of the wagon, I don’t mean I was pigging out on ice cream and pizza. I mean I ate out restaurants a few times, ordered off the vegeterian menu when I didn’t want to do that, and STILL found out I went way over on my points. Also, wine. If wine makes muffin tops, then stuff me in a tin and plug me full of raisins and nuts, because I am not giving up the wine. 🙂

    Reply
  • 6. KathyB!  |  May 2, 2009 at 9:27 pm

    I’m in the same boat, and still not inspired. I’m so far gone at this point that I’m not even sure it’s worth the effort!

    Reply
  • 7. Evenshine  |  May 5, 2009 at 5:56 pm

    Small steps, small steps. Today the up arrow, tomorrow the scale.

    And just to be the Devil’s advocate here, with my second pregnancy it was SO nice not to gain as much weight as I did with the first. Commenting on this to my OB, she said, “well, you didn’t lose all the weight from your first one, didja??” Nice.

    Reply
  • 8. Gibby  |  May 5, 2009 at 7:50 pm

    I’m in a wedding in Sept and once I saw the BM dress, well…THAT was my inspiration. I do not want to be the fat, old, mommy BM. So, I started running again. And you. are. so. right. You do forget how to run. And how to recover. I am sure all my neighbors were laughing at me.

    Reply

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